Why a relationship with a Russian woman might end in disappointment
1. She is too beautiful for you
All women are like women, but Russian women are like goddesses. Well, almost. Russian women's knockout beauty is one of the most widespread stereotypes about them. Although one must admit that the stereotype is not that far removed from reality – Russian women do pay an inordinate amount of time and attention to how they look. Wearing your stilettos to take the rubbish out? Putting on full makeup just to pop out to the shop? Yes, and why not? And yet, it is their boyfriends who will have to pay for all this beauty, both literally and figuratively speaking.
You will be constantly outraged – and may become paranoid - at the persistent attention your girlfriend attracts from her admirers. Her dozens of bottles and jars on the bathroom shelf will very quickly crowd out your solitary antiperspirant and will eventually start falling on your head while you take your shower. Furthermore, a lady like that will be a constant source of worry, and from time to time you will have to fight over her (it could be with your fists or in Instagram comments, but you will have to). In other words, say goodbye to the quiet life.
2. On the plus side, you will be well fed
Everything depends on self-control, of course, but the temptation to land one day in the kitchen and never leave its cozy confines will only grow with time. The thing is that girls in Russian families are brought up from an early age to believe one pearl of wisdom: "The way to a man's heart is through his stomach." Simply put, this means that if you cook badly or too little, your boyfriend will leave you for the girl next door. No matter how you or your Russian girlfriend feels about these conventions from past centuries, one day she will try to surround you with a wall of pancakes (provided she is really into you anyway).
You can be sure that everything will be done on a Russian scale. If she makes borsch, it will in a five-liter saucepan. If it is salad, there will be a basin of it. And if she roasts meat, there will be a full baking tray of it. And do not forget about her family. They remember "the stomach rule" too. A visit to your girlfriend's relatives will involve a lavish meal lasting at least three hours. I think you have already guessed that in addition to falling in love with your girlfriend you will also have to fall in love with Russian cuisine. All the more so since she is likely to measure your love for her by how selflessly and willingly you eat her food.
3. She will be difficult to get rid of…
…if she has chosen you. Your Russian girlfriend will become your best friend, your partner, your doctor, your beauty consultant, psychologist and sparring partner. All your time now belongs to her, she thinks. Everything (really everything) will be sacrificed at the altar of your relationship. History remembers how in the 19th century Russian women followed their exiled husbands to Siberia. So do not expect that you will be able to scare your Russian girlfriend with hardship. If you start pretending to be hopeless, you will get even more care and emotional support. And after that, she will definitely not leave you. Never.
4. You will have to be strong all the time
A Russian woman respects strength. Deep inside, she is independent, but even she does not always find this easy. Genetically, she is programmed – as noted by Russian writers back in tsarist times – "to enter a house on fire and to hold up a galloping horse." In the 21st century she can still find opportunities to show the strength of her character. For example, she will drag a 20-kg package of dog food up the stairs to the 10th floor and will not ask for help.
With a woman like that, you need to be head and shoulders above her all the time, if only a little. Both morally and physically. Instead of manicure scissors or a cashmere pullover, you may have to get out your drill, pliers or a jack.
5. You will not be able to hide from her
She is not a James Bond girl. She is a girl James Bond. You are looking for words to tell her about your upcoming office party on Friday, but she already knows where, when and with whom you are going. She has everything on record. She does not see her stalker-like surveillance of your social network accounts as a violation of your personal space or right to privacy. She is simply keeping tabs on things in order to prevent them from spinning out of control. Yes, perhaps she does it in a peculiar way, but this too comes from generations of experience.
Living side by side with relatives or other families in 20 square meters of space is something that a person born in Russia is used to – in Soviet times, this was the experience of many people. Squeezed together in cramped conditions, people went through school and university, fell in love, got married, gave birth to children and raised grandchildren. Somewhere along the way, the concept of "personal space" was sometimes lost.
There are upsides too, though. If you misplace something or forget your Facebook account, you know whom to ask…
6. You will have to surprise her
It is not true that she needs to be given presents all the time (although it may seem so at first). Yet, subconsciously a Russian woman believes that a moonlit rendezvous is not convincing enough on its own. That is why she will expect more substantial proof of your loyalty, and you should be ready for this. In other words, she wants to be surprised, entertained and won over gradually. The idea of a handsome prince is for some reason deeply lodged in the minds of Russian goddesses.
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